Barbican Young Poets 2019-20
Annie Fan
'Arcadia'
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Arcadia
What is your whiteness against my skin? If God is a white man; if this is the only
way I can be loved. I want a perfect, lifeless white, but only find the white of
boiled eggs, a statue’s hands, or bloodlessness. Each month I bleed with what
you don’t give me; I do not want to want you. What do I want to give you? What
colour can you be? I have stopped calling you by name; these days your words
are white noise. I want to hold your pink, the soft inside of a shell, to find the
faintness of every kind of word for salvation. Is to touch to be hurt by static from
your clothes? Another way to keep warm. I don’t know how people stay this
happy all their lives.
About Annie Fan
Annie Fan reads law at Oxford University, where they were president
of the poetry society. Their poetry appears or will appear in Puerto
Del Sol, The Offing, Ambit, and PN Review, among others. Their
pamphlet, 'Woundsong' is forthcoming from Verve Press in May 2021. When not writing or studying for exams they can be found trying to
recreate viral pasta recipes, buying too many earrings, and basking in
the sun.
Twitter: @gnomic_aorist.
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